Rooms in McDougal's Farm

• A Bedroom? - There's a mattress on the floor - maybe it's a bedroom? You're really not sure though, because there are canning jars lining the east wall, and they all appear to be full. Towards the north wall of the room, there is a stack of empty bushel baskets, and some dried stuff, like herbs, on a screen. There's a window to the west that opens up onto a roof. You wonder if it's safe to go out there ...
• A Big First Floor Bedroom - Wow! Another junk heap! Only, this time it's one you can relate to. Your own bedroom has looked like this more times than you like to admit. Whoever lives here, they like their comfort, because the most prominent feature in the room is a big waterbed. It looks a little out of place. There is a nice fireplace with a glassed in front, but the glass is so covered with soot that you can't see through it. In the middle of the room there's a pile of clothes that seems to be laying on some boxes. There's so much stuff in here that every surface is covered, and there's barely a path around the un-made bed.
• A Corner of the Attic - And the mess goes on ... there has to be more than one generation's worth of stuff up here. No one could accumulate this much garbage in a single lifetime! You can barely walk for the stacks of magazines and the broken toys ...
• A Dark Corner in the Cellar - Now this place gives dark a whole new meaning. It's so dark in here you can taste it, you can feel it, it has a life of its own. You think you can hear scurrying off in the corner someplace, but your light just isn't strong enough to penetrate that deeply into the shadows.
• A Little Bitty Bed Room - Another storage room. There's a truly impressive bed in here, with a fancy wooden headboard. It's all covered with picnic baskets, a mounted and stuffed deer trophy complete with antlers, a box of books, and boxes and boxes of yarn! All colors of yarn! There's even a telescope that looks very well used on a stand in here. It begins to dawn on you that you really haven't seen a single place in this entire house to put things away in. No storage space! Maybe that's why the place is in the shape it's in.
• A Really Large Upstairs Bedroom - If this room weren't so messy, it would really be a cozy place! It's large, and really well lit! It has a shallow brick fireplace with an old elegant mantle. There's a full sized bed in here, and it looks like a teen-agers room - the entire floor is covered with clothes! Well, maybe there's a few books too ... you can see one of the titles: "The Return of the King" ... hmmm ... whoever it is, you like their taste in books!
• A Small Upstairs Bedroom - Wow! Now THIS is a sight! There's another unmade bed, a couple of bureaus, and piles and piles of clothes and toys over the entire floor. It's scary looking in here! This is a corner room, and there are windows looking out two sides of the house. You can see the garden out the south windows, but much of your view is blocked by the hickory tree. You notice that you could pick nuts from one of the windows, if you had a mind to!
• A Steep Narrow Stairwell - The steps here are hardly deep enough for you to put your whole foot on them, and they're awfully steep. You'd hate to try to negotiate these stairs when you're half asleep! You're grateful that they're not as full of junk as the rest of the house is, or you'd bust your kiester for sure!
• A Tiny Hallway - This little hall appears to be in the middle of the second floor. There are doors in all of the cardinal directions. It seems as if this is used as a storage area of sorts. There are boxes set around here and there, and in one of them, you see what looks like cookie cutters.
• A Wee Hallway - What a cramped little spot! It looks like you're in a little bitty hallway. Hooks have been put on the wall here, what little bit of wall there is, and all sorts of coats and jackets are hanging there. You notice the floorboards here are very wide, and you realize that this is truly an old old house.
• An Odd Shaped Room - As you step down into the darkness, you feel your skin crawl as a thousand cobwebs cling to your hands and face, making it almost impossible to not inhale them. The room is very very cold compared to the attic just above your head. Cold and clammy. As your eyes adjust, you see an old battered leather chest in the dark along the back wall.
• An Upstairs Kitchen - Now this is pretty strange! It's another kitchen! It's got cupboards, an old fridge, and what looks like an old, ornate wood stove. But ... it also all looks like it's being used as a storage room rather than a kitchen. If you thought the rest of the house was a mess ... you take it back now. In this room, there is hardly a path across the room at all. Things are piled up to eye level from the edge of the room all the way to the windows. Bags full of blankets, an old television, hunting equipment, even full sized sheets of paneling ... there's just so much in here that it can't be catalogued. This has got to be the storage area.
• At the Cellar Bulkhead - You're in a little corner where the house rises on two sides of you. There's a door just in front of you to the north, and the cellar bunk is down to the east. There's a large barberry bush near the north door.
• At the Front Window - Well, the front window isn't in any better shape that the rear one was. Two of the panes are broken out, and everything in front of the window is water damaged. There are more bird cages here, much larger and more modern, and there is a huge stack of cake pans ... and sizes and shapes. There's an old metal bed frame leaned against the chimney, and you wonder if all the parts are there.
• At the Outside Entrance - This particular part of the dirt cellar seems to be very wet. There's some light peeping in from the steps to the west, and it enables you to see that you're standing in a puddle. The cellar smells strongly of mildew, and of something else ... what, you're not sure.
• At the Top of the Attic Steps - Your jaw drops in astonishment as you feast your eyes on the sight around you. You thought the rest of the house was in bad shape ... but this! The window in front of you has 12 small window panes, and several of them are broken out. There's nothing there to prevent the rain from just pouring in. And the mess! Wow! Well, at least you expect this part of the house to be given over to storage ... but still ... You think you see some wasps nests up in the rafters, and you hear some buzzing, but you're not really sure.
• Back Lawn - Just outside of the house, it only seems to look worse. There are actually holes in the outside walls which look like they were made by animals - birds? Rats? The grass here is very long, as if it hadn't been mowed for the entire season. South, the lawn slopes down to a very large garden, which looks far better taken care of than the house does. East of you is more lawn, and to the west there's a large glorious hickory tree, full of nuts, its branches tapping against the house. The deep lawn prevents you from seeing what else is back there. Directly north, there's a door that's barely hanging on to its hinges.
• Behind the Barn - There's a narrow strip of ground behind the barn of no more than 25 feet. It's deeply rutted and you it's full of hoof prints and tractor marks. South is a huge pile of manure ... it looks big enough to drown in! Bleh! You've noticed since you got here that the place had an unnusual odor ... earthy ... but it hasn't really been an unpleasant odor until just now.
• Bottom of the Cellar Stairwell - Now you can tell for sure that this is a really old house. From here you see that the basement was done in cut stones, not brick or cement. The floor is dirt, and quite muddy. Just east of you is a huge double arch made out of brick, which you assume must be the base of the chimney. It's big! The chimney apparently goes up the center of the house. If you scoot down, you can actually go under the arch. North is a dirt crawlspace. It doesn't seem to be more than three feet deep anyplace, and you'd have to crawl to get in there.
• Bottom of the Ladder - You are in a small outdent in the barn wall, and there's a ladder built right into the wall here. The floor is covered with hay.
• Cornfield - You're surrounded by corn ... all at eye level or above. There just doesn't seem to be an end to it! You're feeling just a little lost ... now, which way did you come in?
• Crawlspace Above the New Barn - Yikes! You're not sure you like it up here. There no floor ... just the barn ceiling beams and the flimsy ceiling panels beneath your feet! It's hot and stifling up here ... and you're really afraid to fall through the floor. You decide to beat a hasty retreat.
• Entry Hall - What sort of people live in this place, anyhow!? You've never seen such a mess in your life! The entry is packed will all manner of junk ... things are leaned against the walls, there is at least one item on the edge of each step on the staircase in front of you, and in the corner where the steps meet the wall there is a huge pile of stuff: mosquito netting, balls of twine, jiffy pots, and a beat up old shoe.
• In Front of the Barn - The huge door into the barn is so big you could drive a very large tractor into it. Right in front of you, however, there is some sort of contraption - the likes of which you've never seen before! It looks like a mess of pipes, wheels, scrap metal ... you name it ... all welded together into a meaningless mess!
• In a Really Messy Corner - Potty seats, both modern and antique ... a box with a really old fashioned styled ladies high heel shoe sticking halfway out of it ... Christmas wrapping paper ... empty boxes of canning jars ... there's too much to catalogue. You'd hate to have to do spring cleaning in here.
• In the Lower Branches - Woo! This is nice! You try to avoid the grape vine twisted around the branch under your feet. You can't see much from here because the leafy branches around you block your view.
• Midway Up the Tree - You must like living dangerously ... or you wouldn't be up here. I mean ... what if you lost your footing and went splat? What if the branch you were on broke and turned you into a big messy grease spot at the base of the tree? What if some big muscle bound squirrel came up and bit you on the ankle? I mean, don't you think of those things?!?!
• Navigating the Steps - This is one of those nice stairwells that have three sections - with a landing at the bottom, two on the way up, and one at the top. Each of the landings has been used for storage - including a big old floppy mattress on the next to the last one. The stairs seem sturdy enough, but it's a real hazard climbing them because of all the junk.
• Near the Bottom of the Ladder - Hmm ... you crane your neck to look up to the top of the ladder, and you wonder if you'll be able to climb allllllll the way up there....
• Near the Cupboards - Hesitantly, you creep forward in the darkness. You can barely pick things out with your light, and your feet are making sucking noises every time you pick them up. This is not a pleasant place to be. Cupboards have been built into the wall here, and a pipe that was put in later runs right in front of the doors.
• Second Floor Landing - As soon as you set foot on the landing you can hear birds squabbling. You follow the sound to the window, but all you can see throught the dirty thing is the hickory nut tree, the lawn, further off a garden and a corn field. A bit of movement catches your eye ... and you look down at the outside sill of the window, and in a hole in the sill, a sparrow is raising a very late clutch of chicks. When you finally get over your astonishment, you straighten up and take in your surroundings. Wow! What a decrepit place! Maybe all the kids you've seen hanging from every surface and protuberance have something to do with the condition of this old place.
• Southeastern Side of the Lawn - Well, you made it this far across the erm, lawn ... and now you find yourself approaching a huge maple tree to the east. South of you is a tiny dirt road. The grass here is deep and full of all sorts of unimaginable things.
• The Attic Steps - Creak! Creak! Are you sure these steps are going to hold your weight? The stairwell is so steep that if you swing your arm forward, your hand will bang the steps in front of you! As you go up, the heat from the attic rushes down on you, threatening to suffocate you.
• The Bathroom - You were beginning to wonder if they had one of these! This is a very small bathroom, with only the basics. It's sort of a small, cramped, uncomfortable looking room. You notice you can feel the floorboards giving a bit under your feet ... and you wonder just how safe it is up here. You also realize that this is the only bathroom you saw in the whole house! You feel sorry for the people who sleep on the first floor and have to climb those awful steps to get up here!
• The Cellar Bunk - You are on a steep, but short, stone stairwell which connects the back lawn and the cellar. You try to peer into the shadows of the cellar, but you really can't make anything out.
• The Cellar Stairwell - Oh man. This is not good. This is steep .. and nasty. There are supposed to be eight steps here ... but there are only 7. It's narrow, and wobbly, and the steps look like they were cut from boards of all sorts of shapes and descriptions. You're worried about taking a nasty fall.
• The Cowyard - This end of the cowyard is muddy and nasty, and has hardly any grass at all. The only really distinctive feature right here is the silo which towers over your head! It looks like huge ceramic tiles in a gigantic metal frame. As you look up the silo, you see that there's a metal ladder that goes all the way to the top.
• The Crawlspace - Boy ... it's really dark and damp here. You keep hitting your head against beams you can't see, and your hands and knees are getting raw from crawling around in here. You're beginning to think you can feel spiders crawling all over you. *shudder*
• The Crawlspace - Yeeech! What a nasty place to be! The dirt here is quite damp - just short of being muddy. You can feel it sticking to your hands and knees as you crawl along. The floors is not completely even, and there are some places where the clearance is somewhat less ... you discovered that the hard way when you almost knocked yourself out while trying to raise your head and look around - and smashed it against a beam.
• The Dining Room - Doesn't look like they use this as a dining room much - although you think it is one, since there's a big wooden table against a wall here, and there's also a sideboard with a mirror and old fashioned brass handles on the drawers and cupboard. The windows don't have any curtains, and when you look through them you can see an old barn across the yard. It seems like every surface is covered with stuff. The table is almost completely buried.
• The Dog Pen - As you soon as you enter the pen, you know you've made a serious mistake! Anything that has to be penned up behind a six foot fence can't be too friendly! The floor of the pen is made of cement, and it's full of droppings. You have to watch where you step ... *bleh*
• The Farm Yard - This looks like a typical farm yard. It's all dirt, full of ruts, and large enough to maneuver big tractors around. There are more barn cats within your line of sight in all directions than you've ever seen in your life! You begin to hope they've been well fed - there's just so darn many of them that they could be a problem, even as small as they are.
• The Farm Yard - What a big yard! You can tell they run some heavy tractors out here, because the dirt yard is full of deep ruts. From where you are, you can see that the barn is in better shape than the house is! West of you, the shed's entrance is blocked by a big tractor, but it looks like you may be able to get into a dog pen that's between the shed and barn.
• The Front Lawn - The front of the old house is to your west, and bushes line the way to the east. The house is really really in bad shape. In the places where the paint still clings to the old board, you can see that it was an ochre, or a dull mustard color at one time. *yuuuuck!* You look up at the house and see that there are panes missing in the attic window, and it even looks like there's a nest of some sort in the very peak of the house right at the roof.
• The Kitchen - The kitchen is a long narrow room, with a large table right in the middle. It has all of the modern appliances - a sink, stove, fridge ... washer and dryer - and you know that there must be a counter under that mess near the cupboards.
• The Library - Well ... you THINK it's a library. It has books in it. And a desk. And lots and lots and lots of other stuff ... sort of spread around in an uneven sort of way. Boy! This place is really trashed! You wonder if maybe something awful happened in here or something. Under the front windows, there's a hole in the wall, and you can see the outside wall of the house through it! This is awful! What kind of people would live this way???
• The Living Room - The living room would actually look nice if the wallpaper weren't peeling off the wall and if it were picked up and had some curtains in the windows! But you can't have it all, eh? Too bad this place doesn't even have a little bit! Oh well ... there is a television in here, that must count for something. There's also a very beat up looking old gray sofa.
• The Milk Room - This little room sticks off the south side of the barn as if it had been added as an afterthought. And it probably was. There's a huge silver milk tank in the middle of the room. This must be where the farmer keeps the milk cold. The tank is making a stange humming sound.
• The Mud Room - Ewwww nasty. When you stepped out here, cats scattered in 50 different directions! Ack! Wait! That black and white one wasn't a cat!!! There's a garbage can on its side, an old commercial freezer against the wall, and a really heavy looking safe on the opposit side of the shed. Apparently the cats (and other critters, *bleh!*) have dug the trash out of the can and scattered it all over! Gosh! You don't need a broom out here, you need a SHOVEL!
• The New Barn - This part of the barn looks a lot newer than the other part, and it's substantially longer. There are a couple of pens at the end of the barn near the back door. The set up with the stanchions and the trenches is the same as the old barn. A radio is playing music in the background, and you think it must be a kid's station, because you can hear "Old McDougal had a Farm, ee ii ee ii oooooooo" over and over. You wonder if the music is supposed to help the cows with their milk production ... you think it would sour your milk if you were a cow! :P
• The Old Barn - You're under the impression that the barn is bigger than it looks. This half of the barn is obviously old, but it has all of its windows and the walls look freshly white washed. The stanchions are divided by curved metal pipes, and each has its own water cup. The barn is full of black and white holsteins. They're all chained loosely to the pipework of the stanchions, and are they're able to stand up and lay down, but not to move backwards out into the center of the barn.
• The Roof - Uh oh .. should have followed your first instinct and not climbed through that window! No sooner do you set foot on the roof than it caves in beneath you and . . . . . D O W N Y O U G O *> Uh oh! YOU'RE DEAD! <*
• Toward the Front of the Attic - You are squeezed between the huge chimney in the very center of the attic and the slant of the roof. There are shelves up in the eaves filled with old paintings, a wooden bird cage ... and boxes and boxes of stuff. Under the eaves, things are packed in solidly all the way to edge. How can anyone keep track of what's up here? ... Maybe the reason it's like this is because they gave up trying to do that generations ago.
• Under the Arch - You bend over until you're almost perpendicular to the muddy floor, and you slowly enter the deeper darkness of the archway. You can feel spider webs catching on your face, and your skin begins to crawl. You decide it would made a good storm shelter, or maybe even a bomb shelter, but it's not anyplace you feel like spending a great deal time right now.
• Under the Eaves - As soon as you step here, you know you aren't going to get any further. There is so darn much trash, rubbish and garbage west of you that you're not sure if it would be easier to climb over it, or burrow under it! At any rate, you're discouraged when you look at it ... and decide you're much better off not bothering. It's pretty dark here, and the floor seems a little uneven. Maybe the house is settling.
• Under the Hickory Tree - What a lovely spot! There's a nice bench to sit on in the shade of the tree ... and it's just soooo relaxing here! The double trunked tree is really majestic. The branches droop down and very nearly touch the lawn. You can see that there are a lot of nuts on it this year! The squirrels will get fat and lazy!
• Up to the Lawn - You *think* this is supposed to be a lawn. However, it looks more like an overgrown field. In some spots, the grass is darn near over your head! Overgrown grape vines and wild raspberry canes make a dense barrier to your west, and a scraggly lichen covered Althea Bush blocks the way east. The "lawn" rises slightly towards the really run down old mustard colored farm house you can see through the grass.